Last week, Bethesda announced the development of it’s newest title – Wolfenstein: The New Order. This new installment of the Wolfenstein series takes place in an alternate 1960, in which the Nazis won World War II. Also, the Nazis have the giant death tripods from War of the Worlds, along with several other overzealously destructive weapons. Based on the initial info provided, it seems like a promising first person shooter! Hooray for overthrowing the Nazis! Hooray for alternate realities! Hooray for giant laser beams! Hopefully, for Sony console owners, this game actually works properly.

Perhaps I should explain the original point of this post. I was planning on writing a slightly inflammatory article on why I enjoy Fallout 3 more than Fallout: New Vegas. I have completed both games, and both certainly have their merits and faults. Despite the former’s low level cap, I appreciated Fallout 3 more. I thought the overall plot was more engrossing and darker, the world design was far more accessible, and I was bored by the faction conflicts in New Vegas. More often than not, I was frustrated by New Vegas. Even by Bethesda game standards, I was faced with excessive glitches, malfunctioning quests, and corrupted save files. My entire experience was frustrating and hard to enjoy, and I blamed Obsidian, the company New Vegas was actually developed by, and their poor development team for not putting as much effort into New Vegas as they put into its predecessor.

Hey there Krang! How’ve the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles been lately?

“You’d be amazed at how easily a stealthy severed head can get around…and fortunately the Thieves’ Guild believes  in the handicapable.

** Updated Info on the Xbox One and internet connections **

In my earlier post talking covering the big Xbox One reveal today, I got a little bit into the whole always on issue.  From those who had hands-on experience with the One, it seemed that it would be only games that utilized Microsoft’s Azure cloud platform that would require an internet connect to play.  Well I’m very sad to report that that’s not totally the case.  Let’s hop over to the Xbox press site, where they’ve posted a Q&A describing a lot of Xbox features.  On a question on always-on, this is what they’ve posted:

Q:    Does Xbox One require an “always on” Internet connection?
A:    No, it does not have to be always connected, but Xbox One does require a connection to the Internet. We’re designing Xbox One to be your all-in-one entertainment system that is connected to the cloud and always ready. We are also designing it so you can play games and watch Blu-ray movies and live TV if you lose your connection.

OK…

That doesn’t make a lick of sense!

Unfortunately for me my day job keeps me on the east coast and without an invitation to Redmond to ask further questions on what’s going on.  Kotaku’s Stephen Totilo on the other hand does have that opportunity.  When Stephen pressed for an answer, what he received was the following:

“For single-player games that don’t require connectivity to Xbox Live, you should be able to play those without interruption should your Internet connection go down. Blu-ray movies and other downloaded entertainment should be accessible when your Internet connection may be interrupted. But the device is fundamentally designed to be expanded and extended by the Internet as many devices are today.”  After some more digging, here is what always means as far as Xbox is concerned:

The Xbox One checks in with the cloud once every 24 hours.

It’s a technicality that allows Team Xbox to say that they don’t require an always on connection to play.  But it ain’t exactly forever.  So fine, instead of being shackled to a network, we’re now all… on parole?  Are the 300,000 Xbox LIVE servers my parole officers?  Do I get time off for good behavior?

I have no idea what happens if you don’t check in every 24 hours, but I can’t imagine it’s good.  I have my Xbox 360 turned completely off unless I’m playing.  It’s not listening for my voice commands, it turns on when flip a physical switch.  As it stands at the moment of writing this I haven’t turned my Xbox on in roughly a week.  With these rules on the One, am I going to be restricted because I haven’t checked in for a week?

Anyway, no, I guess it’s not as bad as the three minute rule that was rumored before, but it’s still something that’s a pain in the ass.  Just letting you kids know.

Tushar Nene
Staff Writer
@tusharnene

What was Covered:

What was showed off was voice control – with the unit being powered on by a user simply saying “Xbox on.”  Using voice, the controller, or gesture commands with the Kinect sensor, the user can easily switch between the Xbox Live UI and Live TV.  The UI itself is is very Windows 8 in the sense that there’s tiles for a lot of things on the interface.  This isn’t really that surprising considering that with Windows 8 Microsoft was pushing a lot of their services and devices into a connected ecosystem, shoving Xbox under that umbrella as well.  Part of that is pretty sweet connectivity, with special software designed to be able to connect between a Windows OS as well as the Xbox interface.  It also seems that Microsoft  has learned from their HD-DVD missteps with the 360, giving the One an optical drive that supports Blu-ray discs.  The unit handles games, internet and web apps, Skype functionality as well as live TV.  That seems pretty close to the “all-in-one” description that Mattrick was talking about, adding that it must be “simple, instant, and complete.”  I guess “complete” also means that the system can pick up and measure your heartbeat while you exercise.

There was also some description on the controller, designed with improved ergonomics and a new D-pad, designed with gamers helping to make it better for gamers.

As for the rest of the livestream itself, there was a big to-do about the partnership between Xbox and EA, showing off a bunch of games from EA Sports including FIFA, UFC, Madden and FIFA, all to be released over the next year.  The EA montage came with the unveiling of EA Ignite, an engine designed “specifically to help us blur the line between the real and the virtual,” according to Andrew Wilson.

The Xbox folks also announced that there would be 15 exclusive titles for the Xbox One over the year, showing one of them (presumably) as Quantum Break, which appeared to focus around a kid with superpowers.  Claiming that they’re investing more in a bunch of studios around the world to create original content, they say that these 15 exclusives will cover 8 different and brand new franchises.

Next came some celebrity guests from different areas of entertainment.  Steven Spielberg joined via teleconference to talk about a new Halo live action television show, broadcast as “premium television” through the Xbox One.  I for one don’t really care, but if that’s you’re thing, well there you go.  Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL, also stopped by on screen talking about the partnership between Xbox and the NFL: “You’re going to change the football in a way that is so dramatic.”

They closed out the livestream with a preview of Call of Duty: Ghosts, focusing a great deal on the fact that the game has dogs in it, at which point my stream started flipping out, but it seemed like they revealed very little information on it as well as other games for that matter.  I guess they’re saving it all of e3.

Funny sidenote about the stream flipping out – I lost the stream 3-4 times through the whole proceedings, one of them being just as they were talking about how they have 300,000 servers to support Xbox Live.  Unfortunately none of them allowed xbox.com to get through 15 minutes of stream without crashing.

Oh right – machine specs:

• Processor: Custom AMD chip, 8-core GPU, DirectX 11.1, 32MB ESRAM (28nm chip for those interested in fabrication)
• Memory: 8GB RAM (DD3)
• Storage: 500GB internal hard drive
• Audio/Video: 1080p and 4K support, can do 7.1 surround
• Connectivity: HDMI 1.4 output/passthrough, USB 3.0, WiFi Drect

What Wasn’t:

While they kept saying that the Xbox One was connected, they didn’t explicitly address fans’ concerns about “always on.”  I had to get intel from other sources who had a more hands on experience with the One for that.  According to Wired, the One will not be always on as was heavily rumored.  Which begs the question, how did THIS WHOLE NONSENSE even occur in the first place?  I don’t know.  I guess folks can get a little nuts in the twitterverse.  But I found out some other things too:

While it may not be always on, game discs will all have to be downloaded to the console’s internal hard drive (which makes me really worry about only a 500GB hard drive).  But once the data is on said hard drive, the user can play it whenever he or she chooses, and it will be connected to their XBL gamertag.  But if that disc is used with a different account, the person holding that second account has the option of paying a fee to install it to his or her hard drive and play.  Without that download though, play with just the disc and not copying anything to the hard drive is restricted.  According to Wired, Microsoft didn’t have an answer as to if or even how this policy would potentially be altered for the used games market or players that rent games.

As far as the “always” on rumors?  Yes and no.  Game developers making games for the One have access to use Microsoft’s Azure cloud services platform to bump some of the game tasks to the cloud.  In this case yes you would require an internet connection.  If a game in question does not actually utilize Azure, then no, you will not need a connection.  I have no basis to make a prediction on what percentage of Xbox One games will utilize Azure, but my guess is that Microsoft is really going to try and push it.

So there it is in a nutshell kids.  I’ll keep my eye out for further details to keep you in the know.

Tushar Nene
Staff Writer
@tusharnene

I was about ten years old the first time I got to watch Silence of the Lambs. Was that wildly inappropriate for a child that age? Of course, but it helped in spawning a love for the charismatic villain who ate people! Here was this man, who for all intents and purposes, was perfectly sane, yet could give you nightmares just by talking. I indeed did have nightmares about someone cutting open my head and eating my brain a la Hannibal. In later years, this fear led me to learn all I could about this person, devouring each book Thomas Harris wrote in turn. Hannibal Lecter is one of the most iconic villains from film today, in my opinion, so read on and allow me to share what I’ve learned.

Hannibal Lecter

“As your mother tells you, and my mother certainly told me, it is important, she always used to say, always to try new things.”

An incredibly brilliant man who happened to also be a cannibal, Hannibal was traumatized at a young age when Nazi collaborators in Lithuania (his native country) murdered and ate his beloved sister Mischa. Young Hannibal was taken prisoner, but he soon escaped and sought refuge in an orphanage where he was routinely bullied and beaten before being adopted. Does our noble hero, er, villain, get revenge? Of course, but I digress from the true story of Dr. Lecter. When the first novel came out, Hannibal had been assisting the FBI with the capture of another serial killer from within the confined space of Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. He pretends to help before cleverly leading the serial killer, The Tooth Fairy, to Special Agent Will Graham’s home. Why does this matter? Agent Graham is the one who caught Lecter and put him behind bars and a padded wall, under the care of a colleague whom Lecter despises.

The Silence of the Lambs, the second book, shows us that Lecter is still in his padded cell, this time enamored with rookie Agent Starling, but willing to help her through clues and riddles to catch another serial killer, one Buffalo Bill. Of course, I’m sure most of you remember how that story ends (with the escape of the dastardly villain to Italy!) The last book in the series, Hannibal, ties up everything in a neat, albeit extremely odd, way. One of Lecter’s past victims is revealed to be alive and well and offers a reward for Hannibal Lecter. With one of the most grotesque scenes in literature I’ve personally ever read, Hannibal ends with a meal of brains and an almost sickening reunion between Clarice Starling and Hannibal Lecter who appear to go to live happily ever after. These books are not for the faint of heart, but are intense and enthrall you until you’ve devoured each and every one. Their cinematic counterparts are equally great (Hannibal Rising aside, sadly), so if reading isn’t your thing, head to your local movie rental place!

Craving a little Hannibal Lector fix now? Try out NBC’s new show Hannibal, starring Mads Mikkelson as Dr. Lecter! The show will be loosely based on the novel Red Dragon and is amazing so far.

“On a similar note I must confess to you, I’m giving very serious thought… to eating your wife.”

Hannibal Lector possesses no powers or skills with which he carries out his…meals, other than standard medical knowledge and a keen intellect with which to put the victim at east. Silver tongue and acute attention to detail are worth noting.

If you have liked what you have read and would like to learn more, you can check out the following story arcs/episodes/collected issues:

* Read where it all began with the first novel in the Hannibal Lector series, Red Dragon by Thomas Harris.

* Silence of the Lambs is still one of the top creepiest films and is worth watching at least once.

“Fly, fly, fly, Clarice. Fly, fly, fly.”

What villains would you like to see?

Leia Calderon
@ladyvader99
ladyvader99@ihogeek.com

I will gripe though this entire season has been lacking two-parters and as such a lot of the emotional impact and narrative build-up that had been so strong in the past two seasons during two parters is very much missing. Even the best of episodes this season have suffered from being crammed into one episode. This finale was no different and while impactful (in a HUGE way) it is a whole lot less epic than it could have been with the even more intricacies and revisits to what I guess are now red herrings that could have been allotted if they had allowed this to breathe across two episodes. And, as I stated in our response for last week’s episode this week’s finale was five minutes shorter than “The Pandorica Opens” and “The Big Bang”. You can fit a lot in 5 minutes. Overall while pretty good, this episode without a doubt could have been much more effective and  much more compelling as a two-parter and better for it.  Hello Silence? Where are you? You don’t want the Doctor to go to Trenzalore.  Also the “fall” of the Eleventh has come to be in a VERY different manner than expected. Additionally, I will say, a lot of my speculation for the plot and what would occur was correct. Were attentive viewers in the same boat?

I really don’t know why I put up with this television show.

Also, there may be a further mystery when it comes to Clara than we thought. Or so it may seem if going by a single line that seems to suggest there is something else there. The tone of the delivery was more than suggestive. Otherwise, this episode wasn’t without its emotional punches. AT ALL.

Nevertheless, dear readers, I give you my no-spoilers (sweetie) overview of the episode for those who have yet to watch it in the convenient form of a knock-knock joke:

“Knock Knock”

“Who’s there?” (Oh god let me die this pun is too much)

“HERE HAVE SOME EMOTIONS”

“No really I didn’t want that, no, please tell me who’s actually there?”

” I HEARD YOU LIKE BEING UPSET”

“No, no please just tell me who is there, what is your name.”

” I’M BREAKING THOUGH THE WINDOW!”

” NO STOP I WILL OPEN THE DAMN DOOR – WAIT, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU”

” DOESN’T MATTER HERE HAVE SOME TEARS I HEARD YOU ENJOY THEM SO MUCH”

” I REALLY DON’T WANT THESE JUST TELL ME WHO YOU ARE THERE BEHIND THE DOOR”

” FINE I’LL JUST BREAK DOWN THE DOOR ON TOP OF YOU WITH EMOTION”

” WAIT NO I STILL DON’T KNOW WHO IS THERE WHAT IS YOUR NA-”

“EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW WAS A LIE”

*Is crushed by a door*

Max Eber
Staff Writer/The Doctor
max@ihogeek.com
Twitter: @maxlikescomics

Sooooo, who wants to loan me a PS3 haha.

J:  Hello. I shouldn’t be typing, so I apologize in advance readers.

M: You really shouldn’t be typing. An alien bit her wrist.

J:  With his space teeth. But that’s neither here nor there, we’re here to discuss “Nightmare in Silver” which apparently Neil Gaiman had to rewrite when Moffat changed his mind about Clara.

M: She was going to be the Governess the whole time! UGH. Victorian companion. I cry.

J: Yisss.

M: Sad it didn’t happen. Like the bajillion Clara’s though there were TWO Doctors again in this episode!

J: I think this week’s highlight is unarguably Matt’s acting. I mean…he was really phenomenal as the double doctor.

M: It was perhaps the truly good thing about the episode unfortunately, Neil sort of wrote a less than stellar episode for his second try. He really excels at emotional things, so the personification of the TARDIS in The Doctor’s Wife was more or less one of the best things he could ever do.

Gaiman: C+ to B-
Matt’s acting: A+++

M: This time it was only so-so, lacking none of the magic from before which again may relate to the reduction of Fairy-tale mysticism that was sort of all over that episode with Idris. I felt nothing for the soldiers and crew in this episode, they felt like watered down versions of the miners in “The Almost People”/” The Rebel Flesh” but not nearly as round, interesting, or sympathetic. I really feel this half of the series and series 7 as a whole has suffered narrative-wise since there haven’t been any two-parters and only one-shot adventures.That effect has left me lukewarm.

J: This would have made a really interesting two-parter, with the first half being exploring the planet and the second being getting the monster out of the doctor’s head…ala “The Amost People” as you compared.Also if the Who episode was a chess game, then Clara’s “kids” were just pawns to get the Doctor emotionally invested without tying Clara up.

J: We’ve had a lot of red herrings in 7.2. But now were one episode away from the finale and it seems like…crap. Like how are all these loose ends getting tied up next week?

Clara. Clara. Stop falling through time miasma Clara. Stop. It.

M: They’ve said MANY loose ends get tied up at least the actors have said so but looking at the trailer, the new Whispermen, RIVER SONG, graveyards, the flashbacks to Galifrey. I really don’t know how Clara’s mom, her book, and Summer Falls and all the other very obvious “clues” will truly fit as they all formerly seemed to have. They were much better at offering breadcrumbs of info and repetitive motifs in 5 and 6 even if the episodes were not two-parters and were for all purposes a solo-story.

J: Yeah well those were the good ol’ days of dark fairytales and a beautiful TARDIS console. Not even the TARDIS herself is very pleased with this season…

M: I mean I like it, but Clara is becoming a hard sell,  we just have to accept she’s there and yet we really haven’t seen the in-between the action like we did with Amy and Donna, Rose etc that helps round the character out. The Doctor ponders her in the preview  as being “too perfect” so maybe she is actually meant to be like that. That even the Doctor is a bit sketched out that she just plopped into the companion role and is THE PERFECT “classic” Who type companion archetype as if they’ve been pals forever, and it’s intentional because at the root she was as she said “ born to save The Doctor” so she literally DOES shoehorn her way in despite him being the instigator in getting her to come with him. So, I’m actively looking forward to seeing if that’s the case to explain WHY we know so little about her or why she is so not, terribly compelling other than being a companion. I mean I really want to like her, but there haven’t been any consistent reasons to. Her possibly being fragmented all across time? THAT’S INTERESTING.

Hi Bessie.

J: I think what you’re trying to say overall is BOO CLARA WE WANT RIVER.

M: River looks different. I’m wondering what they’re aiming for maybe the color of her hair in ‘Silence In The Library”.

Aw yeah River in Jedi duds. A+ costume department.

J: All I know is her costume design is simply sublime. Really just beautiful.

M: Really a lot of people don’t like it, says she looks pregnant. I don’t see it, and she drinks what looks to be champagne in a clip that was either released or leaked so…probably not.

J:  Whatever. That costume is beautiful.  But yeah “Nightmare in Silver” was ironically one of the first episodes this season that wasn’t that scary…

M: Yeah this season has a very, very scary tone and content but the format and pacing is again back to a more children/family show feel in execution and sort of simplicity so its a really weird mix. Not to say 5 and 6’s were that much better, it was just different.

J: Each episode used to feel like its own movie.

M: Some episodes used to be about five minutes longer too I think.  Plus you do have to consider 5 and 6 were heavy on two-parters so you essentially did get an 80ish plus minute movie out of them on one narrative, that’s double the time and plot for each thing. “The Angels Take Manhattan” needed to be a two-parter for sure. Are most of the directors are new this season aren’t they?

J: If I’m not mistaken yes, but that’s pretty standard.

M: Hmm. Either way, something is off. The finale really needs to blow me away.

If this teaser is the entire finale then I’d be satisfied.

J: I agree. If the Doctor’s name isn’t Keith I’m rage quitting.

M: I really don’t think we’ll be hearing it. We might but it will be said in Galifreyian so we won’t understand. Something of that ilk. Just like how ‘The Doctor’s Wife’ wasn’t really about his wife. I mean it was since the TARDIS is the love of his life, but not really. So FAKEOUT.

J: RTD went on the record several times saying they’re never going to reveal his name, so I’m pretty interested to see what Moffat does with it. AND TRENZALORE! I am so excited to see Trenzalore. It actualy wouldn’t surprise me if Clara turns out to be a trap planted by the Great Intelligence… I need to slow down my wrist is biting me.

M: I don’t think she’s a trap, I think she’s more a literal failsafe. The fact we see her in the 80s, 70s and 60s all seems to show that she has popped up all throughout the Doctor’s life, and perhaps have saved him more than once, but dies each time perhaps without him knowing at times.

J: Then why does the TARDIS hate her so much?

M: I have a hunch she is fragmented all throughout time. Thus she is a walking paradox even if she, THIS Clara is the true blue original one who decides to throw herself into whatever because of hearing about the other Claras.  So its your own unknown past/future affecting your current choice after discovering it. The TARDIS would sense that and not like it since you’re forming a really convoluted web.

J: Shes a smart one, that old girl. So whats your greatest (reasonable) hope for the finale?

M: A nice resolution with River Song and perhaps a firm sad bookend for the Pond era. To bring them up would be nice. I’d like to know why the Doctor has forgotten some of his own past including his previous encounters with the Great Intelligence. I’d like Clara to be explained throughly, including her mom who seemed so important. And yourself?

J: I want something that firmly leads in to the fiftieth anniversary special–some major clue as to how Ten and Rose are going to be back…in addition to the things you said, of course. I’m kind of over Clara.

M: Like I said I hope the finale gives her a “reason” to be and suddenly everything makes sense.

DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HURRY! GET UP! WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN MY PLOTHOLES, AGENCY, ROUNDNESS AND LIKEABILITY FACTORS

J: Yes. We’re going to have to wait and see.

M: Yes indeed.

J: So now, dear friends, how have you liked this season so far? What are you hoping for in the finale? Thanks for putting up with our ridiculousness in 7.2.

M: Meet you at Trenzalore.

J: GERONIMO!

Jen Schiller and Max Eber
Staff Writers and Amy/The Doctor
Twitter.com/Jenisaur

I emphasized circles rather than levels for a reason. I’m not about to sit here on my high horse judging obsessive fans while typing in front of a floor to ceiling bookshelf full of comics and while plotting which trade to bring on the subway tomorrow morning. I mean, they’re batty and I’m normal? I once tried to look for the collected A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones Maps in the nonfiction section.

That disclaimer being thus disclaimed, last week I started watching Hannibal, which, in its first season is a fantastic show. Now, I don’t know why I expected fans of the show to be less um, eager? Considering it’s gory show about brutally artistic murders and psychopaths I, didn’t think it was so farfetched not to expect this kind of participation in the fandom:

What do you mean by this, Hannibal fans? This is not a ship. No. I’d rather be all for Will Graham/ that Giant deer he keeps dreaming about. Lady Boner and “Hannibal Lector’s smooth suit while he was slicing up that human liver” should not be used in the same sentence as often as they are. Just no.

How about one of the most established and active fandoms around like Supernatural. The show was supposed to end in season 5, but sheer willpower of the fans have kept it going well beyond that. What does that mean exactly? 8+ seasons of shipping two brothers with each other, with some chiseled-jawed angel, and I’m guessing occasionally with their car.

I’m going to be straight up, Supernatural fans, ya’ll are a fucking scary bunch. You’re so intense that creator Eric Kripke doesn’t pay you fan service, he (lovingly) pokes fun at you that he let his own characters discuss “Wincest” in an actual episode. I’m serious. In the 4th season the guys meet with an author of a Supernatural book series a la Stephen King in the Dark Tower series mixed with Misery.

someone in this room has Destiel as their otp

I borrowed this from tumblr along with the caption to give an idea about what I’m talking about. Someone saw these two coats together in a store, and because they are similar to those worn by characters on the show, commented that it was purposely done to show support for a “one true pairing” or a favorite couple (possible or no) in a fandom, Dean/Castiel. In case you were wondering, no they’ve never hooked up because neither Winchester is gay and Castiel is an angel with better apocalypse-related things to do. The thing is, I totally believe that some employee of Sears or whatever would do this if they were fans of the show because that’s what it means to love Supernatural. For example, how about this blog that was requesting pics of Misha Collins holding his phone with his pinky splayed just so?

why?

So I never gave the show a shot until last weekend when a few friends/fans decided to marathon their favorite episodes because it just seemed like too intense a commitment. Man. Is. This. Show. Great. Super great. I didn’t even mind being spoiled or jumping around through seasons, because the show is about the relationship between the brothers and their isolation from the rest of the world because of their mission to kill demons and shit (as I understand it from like 15 episodes). It’s pleasantly episodic at times while still feeding in to a overarching plot. (Buffy 2.0!)

I even believe I owned up to some feels only like 2 episodes in.

Am I going to join the ranks of the Supernatural fans now? Nah, probably not. I watched a bunch of episodes and never once wanted another character to lick the tears of any other character be they blood relation, deity, or automobile. I’m going to watch the Kripke seasons this summer but the fandom is a too well-oiled machine at this point to jump on that crazy train. It’s nice that about 50% of my tumblr dashboard now makes sense.

But hey, run your fandoms how you please and don’t mind the rest of the world. Fans are what make or break a show and I like to think that dedicated and loyal fans make it more than a paycheck gig for everyone involved in the production. So if you’re a Supernatural freak, wear that flag proud. Knit it out of Jared Padalecki’s shaven chest hairs if it pleases you and he consents. I’m just gonna slowly back away and deny ever seeing a single episode if you want to show if you ask and I’ll expect you do to the same when I talk about Harry Potter.

Look at all the cool things it will do someday! A bunch of developers want to make games for it, I promise!

I am a pretty big fan of Nintendo. Most of the people I know have memories of the NES or SNES, playing with friends and spending time beating the last level of Super Mario Bros or finishing off Ganon in Legend of Zelda. And every time they come out with a new system, Nintendo generally, eventually offers really strong titles that are fun, engaging and memorable. However, the company also does things that seem to make no sense at all. The WiiU seems to be faltering on sales and is definitely not as successful as the Wii was at launch. Ever since the WiiU was revealed, Nintendo has been trying to get everyone excited, showing off this gamepad that lets you play games on it without the TV, and all the different games that utilize this giant touch screen in the middle of a controller. They even made a video with various developers talking about how awesome the WiiU is and the kinds of things it can do. Yet even now, there isn’t much to do on the thing except play Nintendoland and Monster Hunter. That’s not a bad thing either, as both of those games are really good, but when a new console is released and has been sold around the world for 5 months, I can’t help but wonder what else is on there.

The Nintendo Direct Press Conferences is one of the smartest moves that the company has made. While slightly irregular in their releases, the conferences have released more information about games that I am interested in than the past 2 or 3 E3 Press Conferences put together. The fact that they are putting these videos out straight to fans over the internet is a really smart move, letting them continually put out solid content and keep fans interested in both the WiiU and the 3DS. Yet, that doesn’t mean that they can just disregard one of the biggest stages for generating possible revenue. To be fair, Nintendo is still going to have a presence at E3. Instead of having a large, hour and a half conference, as many other major developers do, Nintendo is going to have a smaller conference that is open only to developers and distributors. It seems likely that they would also have at least one Nintendo Direct Conference ready and plenty of demos on the show floor, but that may not be enough, especially with both Sony and Microsoft threatening to make them an afterthought with their new consoles. If Nintendo wants to try and reach the sky-high numbers of sales that the Wii hit, Nintendo Direct Press videos and game demos at E3 aren’t going to be enough.

Satoru Iwata speaking bad English on the internet is not the way to generate more revenue for the WiiU and 3DS

One of the reasons the Wii was so popular was because people who don’t normally play video games bought the system. Every other grandfather, aunt, uncle, principal, and lawyer had a Wii because it was a great game to play with family or with their children. Those people probably don’t habitually watch Nintendo Direct Press Conferences, or check in with gaming sites to see the latest news. It feels like Nintendo is at odds with itself, having decisions that are great and will be good paths for them in one hand, and then decisions that are bad ideas with potentially devastating effects in the other. The WiiU gamepad looks like a great tool for developers, essentially making a larger DS, with players having a personal screen to play around with. But that cannot be the sole reason to buy a console, especially when there are only a few games that utilize the screen well. I can only imagine how a strategy game or puzzle game would really benefit from the Gamepad, with all of the screen space in your hands for puzzles, strategy and interaction, and your TV screen devoted to really good graphics. Yet playing Call of Duty: Black Ops II is frustrating and ridiculous. Since E3 is coming up and we are sure to see a few more Nintendo Direct videos, Nintendo has a chance to really sell the WiiU with new games that a lot of people are hoping for.

He apparently shaved off his best feature for a movie called How to Catch a Monster, directed by Ryan Gosling.  I’m guessing the monster is Matt’s forehead, which now looks even bigger and makes his caveman features even more pronounced. Oh, Matt. I’m so glad you’re someone else’s problem, and that I fell in love with a Time Lord many years ago who didn’t have any floppy hair with which he could break my heart.

hell yes I’ll come with you.

I can’t even deal with these stupid pictures being released of Matt and his bald ass head. Mostly because they are dumb and who actually cares the man can shave his head and his hair will grow back; but also because he does look dumb without his even dumber floppy hair that we’ve come to know and love as something of a trademark of his.

I wonder if he’ll be bald-headed for the anniversary special, or if this means they’ve already finished filming it. Or maybe he’ll get a weave. Who knows.

You don’t have to do this again for a long long time.

And you won’t look like this when you shower.

NOT THAT I FUCKING CARE

since this was about the last time I liked your hair anyways

you’re getting old looking anyhow.

I’m not drunk  enough for this. If I were, I would appreciate it if someone would explain to me the plot of Party Animals, but for now I will satisfy myself with other men who appreciate the floppy hair that both god and their stylists have given them.

K BAI

Jen Schiller
Staff Writer
Twitter.com/Jenisaur

Oh, yes, my fellow manga enthusiasts, this is a yaoi manga.

For those of you not in the know, yaoi can mean several things (my favorite being “Yamete, oshiri ga itai” which means “Stop, my ass hurts!”), but first and foremost, it means love between two boys.

Nakano is a no nonsense sort of person, intent on maintaining a professional demeanor at all times, but slowly the cheerful Tsuda chips away at his armor. As their first project comes to a close, Nakano slowly begins to question his skills as a professional as he completely flubs their presentation leaving him angry as he waits for Tsuda to break the news. This escalates into a fiery outburst of hurt feelings and rejection, all of which Tsuda was left speechless by as Nakano storms off into the night, bluntly stating he’ll ask to be reassigned so he won’t have to see Tsuda any longer. As is the case in most romantic manga, the odds are stacked against the resolute Nakano and he is repeatedly thrust together with Tsuda until one night, they drink too much.

An incredibly hot kiss spans several panels before Nakano’s brain overthinks everything and he forcibly kicks Tsuda out at the same time, burying his feelings toward him. Work becomes increasingly more awkward and just when it seems like the two can finally understand each other, the volume ends.

Yessiree, that’ll definitely keep you coming back for more, particularly if you’re a fan of common manga tropes.

False Memories doesn’t bring anything entirely original to the reader, but it’s a fun, fast read that will absolutely keep you entertained…until you have to wait for volume 2 of course!

False Memories volume 1 is out in stores July 9th and my fellow yaoi lovers…enjoy.

]]> http://ihogeek.com/2013/05/12/book-review-false-memories-volume-1/feed/ 1 3 ladyvader99 1 2 http://ihogeek.com/2013/05/11/disneyhassomeissues/ http://ihogeek.com/2013/05/11/disneyhassomeissues/#comments Sun, 12 May 2013 03:59:01 +0000 natureboymje http://ihogeek.com/?p=15672 ]]> Disney is something that people either love or hate. I’ve been pretty nauseated with them as of lately. Like, patience? Down to nothing.

Admit it, Disney’s been doing some questionable things (more so than usual). Not knowing what’s been going on? Let’s break everything down:

I. Acquisitions,  Property neglect, Copyright and Cultural Appropriation

While its something I particularly don’t care much about, Disney’s consumption of entertainment entities (Marvel, Lucasfilm) as if they were Cronos cannibalizing his children has brought lots of concern and criticism. The dismantling of LucasArts in particular after the acquisition was a sour move. The prompt success and then absolute neglect once again of The Muppets franchise (seriously the Muppet area and Muppets 3D attraction and their overall presence in Hollywood Studios at Walt Disney World? Needs a big revamp and revitalization, come on guys you know you want Miss Piggy walking around there dressed like a 40s movie star) has been rather disappointing. They should have an active presence if you want to keep them an ongoing and profitable franchise, which going by the film, they are.

The biggest part of this? Earlier this week Disney found itself standing overtly in the wrong ( well they sort of already do perpetually) when it comes to being culturally sensitive, with the recently revealed future Pixar Dia de Muertos copyright application debacle. While the problem has since been rectified after criticism and an uproar of disapproval there is still the looming problem or concern of the film’s impending merchandise and marketing entirely commercializing (even more than it has already been) a very exclusive and passionate holiday to an extent where non-Mexican or those of Mexican descent (ie white suburbia) decide to celebrate it too (for all the wrong reasons, for example like the already appropriated and abused Cinco de Mayo). Merchandise most likely will be showing images formerly only meaningful for those who celebrate and most likely wouldn’t like it being shared. So there is certainly a weary cloud over the movie despite it not being due for a while so let’s hope Pixar inverts expectations in what it is actually about or what it teaches viewers. The moral of Nightmare Before Christmas was all about avoiding appropriation of other people’s cultures, Disney may want to look back at the  properties they distribute and get a good lesson from them.

II. Frozen

Additionally the reveal or rather the (rumored) incomplete leak of Princess Anna’s rendering for Frozen looking for all the world like like a Rapunzel clone with a dash of Kirsten Bell DNA and being yet another Caucasian, blue-eyed blonde (a problem I will later return to and discuss) was met with mixed reaction and a lot of disappointment (mostly for her generic design). Additionally the continuation of Euro-centric locations and the perpetuation of Caucasian leads is frustrating or at the least boring while the overall questionable overhaul (as in complete disregard and gutting) of the original plot of The Snow Queen  has many including myself rather miffed. The original story is very feminist; a young girl Gerta actively goes on a quest to rescue her best friend, a boy Kay, after he was kidnapped by The Snow Queen following a shard of an evil mirror getting stuck in his heart. Along the way she is only helped by other female characters; the Princess, the Robber Girl, etc. Disney at one point was to follow this plot-line as they had many concept artworks for Gerta and Kay. It is also rumored the first 9-15 minutes of the film were actually animated (traditionally) and it was touted by those who saw it as some of the most beautiful work they’ve ever done, but it was ultimately all scrapped during the give or take ten  years the project has been in development.

Still Eurocentric, but look at Gerta and Kay. How cool would they have been?

In the new story that they developed to replace the scrapped straight adaptation, Gerta and Kay are gone. Instead of a heroine that could easily have been placed in the Princess line for her bravery and courage despite not being royal,  like Mulan, we now have the lead of Princess Anna from the getgo. The plot they’ve settled on is that Princess Anna is on a quest to confront her obviously estranged sister, the Snow Queen and break a curse and save her kingdom from presumably, well freezing. On the way she is now joined by a male character companion or escort, Kristoff, along the way (hopefully they will pull an inversion and not have him as the love interest). While it is too early to completely disregard the film, its changes have brought a lot of ire.

I personally feel the changes are petty and the original storyline is fine and perfect for today’s audiences with some tweaks. You also could have applied the original storyline to anywhere in the world where snow (and thus by proximity, mountains) are featured or rather contrasts with another section of that land. You could have had an Ainu, Mongolian, Tibetan or Peruvian Snow Queen story. It’s like with the floating lanterns from Tangled, the lanterns being a tradition in Southeast Asia. Instead of appropriating the lanterns because they looked cool, that film could have easily just been set in Southeast Asia to begin with. Disney did Hamlet as lions you can put a Scandinavian fairytale elsewhere. I mean I can’t even figure out where the hell The Little Mermaid is supposed to be; it had no particular location (that was NOT Denmark) but it looked vaguely Mediterranean on the Turkish side of things to me. Anyway, Disney has kept it safe by keeping the Scandanavian location and look and ethnicity of the characters for Frozen but got rid of everything else bar the titular Snow Queen. Absolutely groundbreaking.

Concern has also been additionally brought up with the appropriation of traditional Sami clothing in Anna’s design and its impracticality for actually keeping her warm. The Sami is a specific indigenous Scandinavian people who have long been discriminated against, abused and actively persecuted for their dress and religious practices and artifacts. So far Anna or rather her people have not been shown to be Sami. So there are a lot of things people are worried about.

III.  Their Princess Problem & Blonde Ambitions

So not only is Disney already walking on eggshells(and glass, and rusty nails), but they additionally have gotten a lot of flack for the recent Princess “redesigns” with the girls of the Princess line given new tousled and restyled hair, tweaked costumes, and then dipped in makeup and glitter. The continued historical and cultural inaccuracies of Jasmine and Pocahontas’s costumes were made worse in their new bedazzled looks.

She bought her new China-made faux Native earrings at Urban Outfitters. Makeup by high schoolers.

The redesign of Mulan was particularly awful for being whitewashed, being off model and putting her in makeup she would not want to wear, not to mention wearing golden colored robes (forbidden since that was the Emperor’s color I do believe).

yeah no

The outrage was actually so vocal that Disney actually went and edited it to be less severe and closer to her movie look.

Better. Not Great But It’s Better. Okay. See. Not hard.

Only Tiana exited the redesign unscathed and relatively unchanged except for being attacked with purple eyeshadow. Things quieted down but now with the reveal of the redesign of Merida, who was  just “coronated” into the Princess line today, people’s ire have returned and with good reason.

Sigh.

They made her “prettier” which yes, they need to convert her to  a flat style to properly include her in merchandise, but it is overt in how they slimmed her down and made her cuter in the face, as well as bustier. This is not very different from some of her dolls, which are generally more stylized and “pretty”. People also dislike that they are neglecting to include her bow and arrow, which could be easily and unobstructively included like the first picture, a move that overall neglect’s her personality. They also put Merida in an amalgamation of her dress on the left, and the tight dress she was forced to wear at her suitor’s trials that she disliked and ultimately ripped in a deemed symbolic moment. This is the same problem as the perpetuation of (if you can even find it) Mulan merchandise and her theme park face characters who walk around  in the pink hanfu which she also disliked and then sang a really famous song about how she felt uncomfortable.

The change in Merida has been so disliked that a Change.org petition, “Keep Our Hero Brave!” has at the time of writing this article went viral and has amassed 96,248 signatures and climbing.

Disney has a Princess problem and a serious disconnect.

This is really something Disney needs to mend and overhaul. Be it hire a new artistic director to be in charge of the line. Anything. I know many adore the Princesses. And you’re allowed to. You’re allowed to like pink if you like it. You’re allowed to like glitter and rainbows.  And hyper-femininity and romanticism.  You’re allowed to be inspired by them and find comfort in them. But you need to realize the line has and perpetuates a lot of problems. Pink can be a problem. This new girly-girl culture perpetuates problems. For example why this is a problem look no further than the progression of LEGO’s, originally marketed as unisex and touting creativity for all now gives a clear divide between “girly” sets meant for girls and sets meant for boys (not that you need to buy into either, but people do and that is the problem). This “girlification” is what they are doing to characters like Mulan and Merida and even Pocahontas, who generally are apathetic or actively uncomfortable with such trappings or completely removed from them culturally. If they have a Disney princess who enjoys being pretty and dressed up but also kicks butt while dressed like that? Or is comfortable either dressed up, made up or dressed down? That’s fine. That’s part of her character. But they don’t have that kind of girl in the line; everyone is made beautiful and glittery because they simply are, even those who don’t wish to be put in that box in their respective films.

Now when growing up I loved and continue to love Snow White and Cinderella whom today are pegged by many as some as the most problematic Princesses in terms of agency (though I’d put that on Aurora who literally had such a small presence or role in the film aside from singing and twirling, crying then pricking her finger and falling asleep it might as well been titled Prince Philip and the Three Fairies). While they are a bit more sarcastic and have more personality than people give them credit for (check out the unused scene of Snow White actively swaying the dwarves to let her stay with a haughty cold shoulder and some sly thinking  here, it also explains why she runs down the stairs to tend to the kettle so abruptly in the film) I do realize my two favorites have problems despite my love for the films. That doesn’t mean I can’t still appreciate the skill that went into them from an animating perspective. Quite frankly I enjoy my Disney films dark, painterly with jewel-tones, black, brown and a degree of the Gothic (Snow White, Pinnoccio, Fantasia, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad) anyway so the new plethora of pink, purple and other candy colored but sterile world the Princesses now inhabit forever smiling is rather scary to me.

Furthermore, diversity is an issue. With Merida’s crowning today we have just added a second Caucasian, blue eyed princess to the line in under three years. And now with the upcoming Anna from Frozen later this year which means three Caucasian,  fair eyed girls are to be added to the line in  pretty rapid succession since they introduced Tiana in 2009. It feels as if “Yeah we just had the first black Princess for the line, quick introduce THREE MORE WHITE ONES”. Granted Merida was always on the fence if she was to join them, but she has, so you have to look at what is now going on here when it comes to the diversity in the Princess line since she is now included.  Official PRINCESS franchise stats:

White Princesses:

Ariel

Aurora

Belle

Cinderella

Rapunzel

Snow White

Merida

future (pending): Anna.

Total: 8

Princess of Color:

Tiana

Pocahontas

Mulan

Jasmine

Total: 4

Thus 1/3 of them are poc.

2/3 are white.

Of the white characters:

Aurora (from ash-blonde to golden blonde in merchandise)

Cinderella (in merchandise only)

Rapunzel (large preference for pre-haircut and pre-princess identity in merchandise)

and now Anna are blonde or blondish.

Thus:

1/2 of the white princesses are blonde in their merchandise.

SO overall in the official Princess line:

1/3 are Caucasian blonde or marketed as blonde/shades of blonde.

1/3 are Caucasian of various other haircolors.

1/3 POC characters each with only 1 representative of their respective races and only from one section of the world. No Latin Americans. No other South American, Asian, Indian or Southeast Asians Princesses.

That is not right. Not when white people are not the majority on this planet.

1/3 of all the princesses are blonde.

BLONDE.

What is with the blonde?

Disney’s obsession and perpetuation of blondeness or reinforcment that “Blonde is better” can be best seen in Cinderella, the often poised “leader” of the group in all her platinum blonde glory. That is ironic since she is not actually blonde in her film, they just keep making her blonder to match merchandise with each “restoration” and release. Her original haircolor, while perhaps could be seen as strawberry-blonde at the lightest, would in my opinion look more like Judy Garland’s tawny hair in Meet Me In St. Louis. That shade was particularly popular in the late 40′s and 50′s of course when the film came out.

top: Older probably VHS version
bottom: Recent “Restored” DVD and BluRay. Notice the restored version also gives her fancy  melon lipgloss first thing in the morning!

And then compare

Who dunked her head in lemon juice and bleach.

It’s gotten so bad and engrained that Cinderella is platinum Barbie blonde via her merchandise that people last Thanksgiving were actively tweeting confusion and were  mad that the Cinderella from the Rodgers and Hammerstein’s revival show performing a segment during the  Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade was GASP, a brunette! That is the extent of the Disney merchandising machine. It’s brutal.

I know they’ve been doing this forever, Mary Blair’s concept art did have her with straw-blonde hair, but that wasn’t what they went with for the film. They are aryanizing an already white-bread character. Like why? Not all her merchandise gets it wrong, but how would things be if they actually marketed Cinderella with her original hair color in all her merchandise? Such a discrepancy doesn’t make much sense to me.

Really, when it comes to the princesses, white girls and boys, if they wish, can pick and choose who they like best or who resembles themselves or relate to the most  from the list of white princesses since there is such a wide gamut of looks and personalities.  It’s easier to find yourself represented to a degree at least physically with how many looks they have. Meanwhile girls and boys who are Asian can only look to Mulan if they want someone who looks anything like them which is problematic since not every Asian girl or boy is Chinese.  The same issue comes up with every single Princess who is a poc. I know it’s not exclusive, any person can look to any other Princess of any race and consider them their hero or role model and relate to them even if they don’t look like them,  you may not even relate to any of the Princesses and relate to another character and that’s okay too. The fact is there are only four Princesses of color and each are incredibly specific and have to carry a lot of weight in terms of representation for their entire enthnicities when nationality that is impossible. To be that tokenized and used as a blanket, all encompassing character, is inherently racist. I mean Tiana spent 2/3rds if not more of her film transformed into a frog thus eliminating her African American presence on screen anyway.  This is about proper representation in popular media. With an already crowded group pushing the POC Princesses usually to the back of the group and them having infrequently available merchandise, what is going to happen once Anna, yet another blonde who will no doubt be Disney’s ticket to sell winter gear, is inducted?

Granted, Disney has tried to do diversity before, Lilo & Stitch stands as  one of the most sensitive and accurate portrayals of family life Disney has ever done. It features a positive portrayal of native Hawaiian young women as leads and explores important social issues and struggles. Through Lilo they explore the struggle many kids have being deemed different or odd and having a hard time fitting in. Not to mention Nani’s appearance has always been praised for her (for a cartoon) realistic proportions and believability. Basically most of everything about that movie was amazing.

Sadly, another diverse film, the gorgeously animated but overall ignored Atlantis: The Lost Empire, the very much blatant movie adaptation of the anime Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water, had it been successful would have no doubt added Kida, the actual in-story Princess of Atlantis and woman of color, to the Princess line as well.

You’re too good for the line Kida.

In fact the movie had some of the most diverse of casts Disney has ever had, and perhaps the most active female characters in one film. Aside from Kida you also had Lieutenant Helga Katrina Sinclair,  the elderly Wilhelmina Bertha Packard and above all the Puerto Rican mechanic Audrey Rocio Ramirez filling a good portion of the cast. The mixed Black and Native American Doctor Joshua Strongbear Sweet added even further diversity to the film’s leads. It is sad because fundamentally, Atlantis is exactly what a lot of people I’ve seen on social media are wanting from Disney both as a film and the Princesses that people actually want to see. I hypothesize had Atlantis come out later, maybe around now, it would have been a smash hit: It was too early. And that makes me sad.

What Disney needs to do with the Princesses, is instead of making them more glitzy, is to portray them as the heroes they actually were and are. If it means making up more skills and interests for Aurora, Cinderella to do so then so be it.  Another thing is that their interactions are often so sterile if interacting at all. It is easier to copy and paste group shots for merchandise but if you made things that depicted them doing what they like to do and interacting with each other instead of just sitting and standing looking sexualized with coy Stepford smiles in staggered group shots would really make all the difference.

Portray Tiana and Snow White cooking together smiling and laughing. Have Rapunzel painting Cinderella and Pocahontas as they weed a garden and pick vegetables, Merida showing Belle how to shoot an arrow, or riding horses together. Mulan teaches Aurora how to fight, or Aurora teaches Ariel to dance. Active characters with personality. Draw them in all sorts of clothes. Work clothes. Casual dresses. Yes I know the allure of royalty and the frou-frou dream of dresses and riches are everything the Disney Princesses are about; but they would have so much more magic if they had kind of life brought to them in merchandise and showed them as relatively real girls with likes, dislikes and show their actual personalities.

Hell, branch out even more and create a “Disney Heroines” line where all the Disney heroines could be used and marketed. They need to slowly stop marketing Cinderella as a platinum blonde, they need to not “prettify” Merida Pocahontas and Mulan, the latter of which they need to stop marketing her in her pink hanfu, and instead be featured in the dress she wore when defeating Shan Yu. They need more merchandise of post-haircut brunette Rapunzel. They need to actually have merchandise that features Pocahontas, Mulan, Jasmine and Tiana on it and features them more towards the front when with other princesses like Belle, Snow White, and Cinderella. More accurate or respectable costumes for Jasmine (her usual costume is actually pretty much underwear for an ancient Arab culture) and Pocahontas. They need to stop with the Euro-centric settings and learn how to be respectful to other cultures.

And above all, parents need to educate themselves; don’t just offer your child one thing. Do not just offer them the pink Princess world, if they want it, they will ask for it. But it shouldn’t be the only option, just like for Merida in the end marrying right then wasn’t the only option she could take and the movie was all about making her mother understand that – that’s what it’s all about. We can’t keep doing this to ourselves.

So yes, Disney is magical for those that want to believe in it. It can be entertaining and inspiring. But it’s not all sunshine and rainbows (it’s a corporation after all) and we really need to learn to look at it with a critical eye and keep that gaze on it. Because if we do then things may actually change and for the better. Let’s get people’s opinions heard.

Max Eber
Staff Writer/The Doctor
max@ihogeek.com
Twitter: @maxlikescomics

M: Ya you shrank down into nothing for a while there.

J: I think what totally freaked me out was the fact that I’m so used to the door swinging open and the Doctor being like AMELIA POND! GET YOUR COAT!  not like MRRAAAWWWWW MONSTER FAAAAACCCEEEE

M: That surprised me the first time I saw it actually, I had no idea it was the Doctor which is a bit strange that I didn’t figure out that it was him. I usually pick up on these things. 

J: That’s what I’m saying they reversed our expectations because they’ve been doing it the other way for so long.

M: Interesting that they called him Monster when he just said in “Hide” “Every lonely monster needs a companion.” Probably coincidence but who knows…ya know…Moffat. Cause apparently Moffat’s been planting stuff for the past bajillion years. You notice the Doctor at the end did hint that he wanted to take Clara to Victorian London to see if she’d “like it” a.k.a jog her memory.

J: Doctor is a troll. But I like the prospect of taking the kids with them. I see something like Summer Falls in next week’s episode.

M: Next one looks very cybery, Doctor’s wearing a Borg thing on his face.

J: It reminds me of the thing in the Western episode.

M: Screw that episode.

J: Yes. yes indeed. OH HEY SPEAKING OF SHITTY EPISODES Mark Gatiss is totally making up for “Victory of the Daleks” here. I didn’t even think that was possible.

M: UGH THAT EPISODE. Amy got it bad with that one and the two-parter Silurian reboot. Ugh. But yeah this is loads better than  ”Cold War” which wasn’t particularly that engrossing for me either.

J: VIVA LAS SUBMARINE. I liked “Cold War”.

M: It’s ‘LOS’ but ANYWAY (GOD)

J: Las. Like Las Vegas. GOD MAX.

M: Psh. Either way I’ve been enjoying that the last two weeks have been meatier and meatier shows. I liked that Clara basically died again last episode but didn’t.

J: BISH NEEDS TA GO

M: Still a little hostile there huh.

J: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m watching out for Matt and Karen’s marriage here.

M: Jenna’s dating someone from Game of Thrones. So she’s not a threat.

J: Johnny Snow.

M: Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah so much ice and snow stuff.

J: Why do these reviews always turn in to gossip hour with Jen and Max?

M: Because our lives. Look at them.

J: Fair Point.

M: BUT YES THIS LAST EPISODE felt more like series 5 and 6 again. It was completely ridiculous but I thought it was pretty darn good. Finally something passes the Bechdel test lately.  Amazing performances by Dame Diana Rigg and her daughter Rachel Stirling.

J: I thought last week’s was more series 5-6. This week felt totally fucking terrifying. And very Sherlocky. But like weirdly gender-bent Sherlock. With a GPS Irregular and a weird mustache man with a penchant for fainting. There was…a lot of shit in this episode.

M: There really was. I’m a bit disappointed Madame Vastra didn’t do more. Jenny sort of stole the show especially with that Victorian Emma Peel catsuit. (enter image here so people know what the EFF you’re talking about.) Which was clearly an homage since Dame Diana Rigg played the villain Mrs Gillyflower.

J: I like that about this episode.

M: A lot of people were upset that he kissed Jenny, but it was obvious after Clara was thawed when they are de-calcified so they’re loopy so…he’d probably have done that to anyone.

J: It was very CLASSIC Doctor Who like he’s just kissing her because he’s overly excited and doesn’t know what else to do about it. CUE THE IMAGES OF DOCTOR KISSING RORY AND THEN ALL THE FANGIRLING IN THE WORLD.

M: I can see why people wouldn’t like it since she’s queer, but she does appropriately slap him. This episode was filmed before they filmed The Snowmen so they didn’t reveal or possibly even know yet that Jenny and Madame Vastra got married. Obviously still a couple.

J: With a pet potato, apparently.

M: I want a spin-off. Now.

J: Doctor Sherlock. NO. MADAME SHERLOCK.

M: Madame Vastra IS Sherlock, as his exploits were the inspiration for her.

J: I’m not sure Sherlock ever ate the people he was investigating though. At least not in canon.

M: That’s Hannibal.

J: I’d call her a cannibal, except we’re a different species.

M: ”Journey to the Center of the Tardis” was interesting too, we missed talking about that last week, anything in particular you’d like to say bout that episode too? I thought it was good.

J: It reminded me of the last two seasons for a few reasons: the development of the TARDIS as her own character was really strong, and the exploration of a mysterious character was also pretty interesting. I’m fairly convinced that Clara is going to turn out to be River and the Doctor’s baby. I mean of all the shit on that ship, she found his cradle and the paper mache TARDIS that Amy made as a child and Mels plays with in “Let’s Kill Hitler”.

M: The strong emphasis on family in every single episode especially with this past episode deliberately written for the mother/daughter actress duo it seems pretty strong that’s obviously family will probably be a big part of who Clara is. She may be Kate from Amy’s book actually come to life somehow, haven’t seen that theory. I’m excited that 11 gets not only two new companions next episode, they are the also some of the youngest he’s probably had, and are also well, not white. A big criticism so far of this era is that all of the companions have been well, white.

J: YES. I love that we’re getting a lot of different companions. And also now “chairs” have been added to the Doctor’s arsenal.

M: Wood chair I might add.

J: I was definitely expecting that glass to stay put when he swung the chair. But this does make a really good point I wasn’t meaning to make–we got little to no sonic action this episode. Looks like they’re pulling away from the magic wand of days of yore. (and by yore, I mean seasons five and six, the Dark Fairytale era of New!Who)

M: It was an obvious jab at the as of late overuse. Clara was also very active in deciding to do that, it’s nice to actually see her being a bit more proactive since her current incarnation is much more reticent than the others. I’m excited to see how she and the kids function together.

J: Which brings me back to last week’s episode and the Summer Falls parallel, since Clara was dressed an awful lot like the girl on the cover of the book. Same hairstyle and everything.

M:  That hairstyle was mad intricate yo. I’m more and more convinced that Summer Falls will play into the finale and the 50th which supposedly rolls pretty directly out of the finale I think, at least I read something like that. Its plot is essentially the skeleton of the current Clara arc.

J: I am pretty convinced of it as well. I’m disappointed that the whole theme of the Great Intelligence has been dropped. At least it seems like it has.

M: I wouldn’t be so sure. They’re back for the finale. The images of River and the idea of a Post-Library River even being in the episode suggests the Great Intelligence may be hacking the Library’s data core or something of that ilk. People are speculating the teaser image of River is either a hologram or the Tardis voice interface thing (which is more or less the same).

J: I haven’t seen that image yet I don’t think. But I want River back so bad. Don’t tell 2009 Jen. She would kill me. She would also be really upset that I like Matt Smith but you know. Whatever. Anyhow, what I mean is like in season six they had Silence references almost every episode. Seven point two seems very disjointed to me. 

M: Well the big tagline of the season was about stories having a beginning a middle and the end though sometimes not in the right order, which many people noticed  anyway with the first half being out of order as well.

J: Your face is out of order. omg what if Ten is involved in the anniversary special because the great intelligence goes back to River’s death in the library and they muck things up and they end up saving River accidentally and then Ten never has to leave Donna and when Rose comes back he is like BAI GUYS YOU GET THE TARDIS NOW and then eleven gets cancelled out and that’s the end of Doctor Who forever.

M: Or he regenerates intooooo another actor you really like.

J: EWAN MCGREGOR FOR TWELVE. I’m sorry. I’m clearly done for the evening.

M: I wouldn’t say no. He’d be the singing Doctor.

J: in a kilt.

And now I’m really done for the night.

M: yis.
good.

fin

UNTIL NEXT WEEK, DEAR READER!

Jen Schiller and Max Eber
Staff Writers and Amy/The Doctor
Twitter.com/Jenisaur

Then the game switched gears from fighting aliens to fighting other humans.  While not as compelling as the aliens the human enemies were alright, even though they have been done better in countless other games.  I got to a section that was near impossible until I realized I could change my equipped weapons (something the game didn’t explain and I had to google).

I turn the game off for the day.

Day 2:  It felt like the graphics got better despite there being no update.  I am chalking this up to different sections of the game being more complete than others.  I spend the next 4 hours of the game really, really enjoying it.  It was moody, a bit scary, and it captured some of the great elements from the movies.  Mission 5 started and I was in heaven.  It was terrifying (at least with headphones on).  It was a quasi stealth-horror section where one wrong move would cause you to die mixed in with a super monster that would show up to scare your pants off every so often.  I loved it.

And thennnnnnn…. I got to the boss known as The Raven.  It is a broken fight.  I tried everything and spent hours looking through videos and forums.  You get into a power loader and fight the large alien while your AI companions fight off the small aliens.  Sounds interesting?  Well the power loader moves like a drunk three-year old (which makes since I guess as it isn’t meant as a weapon), the targeting reticule glitched (permanently) and refused to show up, and the recent patch that upped the aliens aggression causes them to ignore your companions and solely focus on you, turning the boss fight into a 7 second zergling rush (followed by 20 seconds of loading).

I gave up for the day.

Screw this fight

Day 3: I try again.  The reticule is still glitched and the fight is still not possible with the overly aggressive aliens.  I return the game.

How can you not want to read this!

Saga is an epic space opera by Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples. If you haven’t had a chance to read it yet, think about if Romeo and Juliet never commited suicide, Romeo had horns, and then Shakespeare jumped into a blender with Star Wars. What we’re left with is a nice Saga smoothie. It’s a great smoothie too as the art and writing flows so well together sometimes you can’t tell the two apart. When that happens you get moments like this.

Yeah…that just happened.

Vaughn weaves a story that is simultaneously out of this world and incredibly grounded. Fiona Staples’ art is unique, and her lines draw your eye towards the action. While there are tons of things to love about the main characters Alana, Marko, and their daughter Hazel who serves as the occasional narrator, the supporting cast really shines from the bounty hunter The Will to Prince Robot IV.

You might be asking yourself, “Self, how do I get Sam to tell me where to start reading this amazing and exhilarating piece of visual fiction?”  Well, weird reader that refers to themselves in third person personal (or first person possessive, I always forget which one you are using), there are more than a few places you can find Saga. Image has a really incredibly priced trade paperback (softcover) for the first six issues and sites like Comixology allow you to keep it on your mobile device or tablet. You could also go the route of the collector and hunt each issue down. Whatever it is you decide to do, make sure to find a way to read this book.

Alana says it all.

Samuel Smith
Staff Writer
@samwasbornanerd

I naturally then subscribe to a host of different things on social media, and some of them are Doctor Who related (I even tried lobbying BBC to make me the brown doctor to no avail).  So last month I saw what I considered to be a nice and funny post listing similarities between a Doctor Who Convention and the Super Bowl (that’s American Football for our ex-US friends) and found it wonderful.  These were the points, according to the post, listed that both types events provided:

• Lots of fans traveling from all over to gather together and celebrate something that they love watching on TV
• Sometimes they dress up as their favorite characters
• A good place to make friends and have fun
• Usually you come home with lots of merchandise and souvenirs
• If you’re lucky, you might even get to meet one of the stars and get an autograph

How great is that?  Sports and traditional geekery coming together to recognize the similarities between everyone.  And you know me kids, I like bringing people together.  I’ve even written on the topic of how we’re all the same, like how fantasy football and World of Warcraft share a lot.  So this post made me really happy.

Until, that is, I started reading the comments.  I know, I know, I should have just applied the YouTube comments rule and ignored them but once I started getting into them, I had a big problem reading some of them that were dripping in what can only be described as the old-school “geek vs sports” mentality.  Something struck me as odd though – opposite of traditional convention, the venom was coming from the geeks to be hurled at the sports fans on the page.  Unsolicited, and with a vengeance.  Dozens of people posted about how these events could not possibly be the same because “football is for losers,” or that sci fi / doctor fans are “much smarter people,” or that football doesn’t “require thought” and fans of sports are somehow dumber.  The vast majority of what I’ll call “partisan” commentary was against sports fans.  I only spotted a couple actually insulting sci-fi fans, and those “insults” really didn’t get much harsher than “it’s not real.”

Seriously?

A fandom and community that might have been used to judgment over their lifetime is now slinging the judgment at others?  And I might add, in an unsolicited manner?  It was rough getting through it and feeling like these folks were trying to recreate a version of high school were the stereotypical geeks had the social upper hand.  Or that maybe they were slinging this venom because that’s what their fandom dictates they do.  Either way, it really upset me.  For those who claim that Doctor who is about acceptance and people being themselves, they sure didn’t play the part.  So why are traditional geeks, one of the groups I do identify with, taking this route?  Are these the same people that reveled in Simon Pegg’s recent definition of “geek” that can now be found all over the internet?  Are we so “open and accepting” to shun everyone that doesn’t identify with us?  It’s spooky, and I don’t like it.

And I’m going to be the one to say it – all this reverse judging? Not ok guys. “Ew, dumb jock” and “Ugh, stupid nerd” ended in high school. Fans of both express their fandom, and the stereotype that sports fans have the IQ of a walnut is just as over-generalized as the one about nerds living in a basement doing their thing with anime/sci-fi/computers 24/7. If you’re a “nerd” judging others then you’ve become the very people who pestered you when you were/are young, if that’s your motivation here.

Both events and both “camps” have community as a big part of their fandom, and conversations on “who was the greatest running back/wide receiver” happen just as frequently as “who was the best doctor/companion.”

Now I think I have a unique perspective here.  I’m a big geek in the traditional sense.  I’m wearing a Green Lantern t-shirt typing this right now.  I have this Saturday’s Doctor Who episode set to record because I’m not going to be around.  I spend my downtime gaming.  I launched my Final Fantasy career with the original on the NES when I was 8.  On the other hand, I love football, and I do my best to watch every Eagles game during the season, regardless of how they’re doing.  I try to get out and play golf as often as I can when the weather’s nice.  Back in high school I did quiz bowl and debate after my advanced programming classes, but still played Ultimate Frisbee after school and was friends with the guys on the football team.  You can say I have a foot in both camps as it were, and I do understand both sides of the coin.

Which is why I say to everyone, with love, that it’s time to grow the hell up.  I understand that everyone is passionate about what they love and develop fierce loyalties.  And we gravitate to people who share those passions and find a sense of community.  But why does that mean that every other community is somehow inferior or less intelligent or somehow worse than yours?  I just don’t get it, not these days anyway.  According to these Whovian purists, has my INT stat taken a hit because I have a mind for sports as well?

According to my social media feeds, yeah.  And that’s sad.  I can guarantee you that once football season starts and posts/tweets about the NFL start ramping up in a couple months, so will the tweets and posts from those who feel intellectually superior, making damn sure that you know they’re too intellectually superior to watch sports.  You will also, however, find that the reverse is not true at all.  How do I know?  because I’ve seen it every season since I’ve been on Twitter.

So are there really fan-based geek outcasts anymore?  The folks I play fantasy football with are the same people who I used to raid with.  “Sports geeks” as I call some of my friends know every stat and every event, both major and minor, in their arena of sports interests.  They’re also some of the sharpest minds I’ve met.

So back to what I was talking about before in regards to Simon Pegg’s geek redefinition:

“Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.”

Is there anyone here that disagrees?   He put into words how I’ve always felt.  And there’s a place and room for a lot of different types of folks at my table.

To those who feel like the negative facebook commenters, did I betray you?  Have I gone astray from your fierce Whovian fandom?  Then in the words of the Doctor himself:

Please, point a gun at me if it helps you relax. 

Tushar Nene
Staff Writer
@tusharnene

And I don’t mean with fava beans. I started watching Hannibal this week and was totally prepared to write a well-deserved rave review for the new NBC drama while I caught up to the mid-season airing tonight when the annoying sidereel pop-up gibbered that Hannibal had been taken off the air by an NBC affiliate in Salt Lake City due to complaints about the graphic material. Lame. Similar mini-cancelations proved to be prophets of destruction for  shows in the past (See: the Playboy Club). NBC universally already pulled one episode of the gory drama right after the Boston bombings, another bad blow to a show that’s been losing ratings since its premiere. I’m not in the business of recommending shows to readers just for their hearts to get smashed by an underserved cancelation, but if you’re in to quashed potential, I could use some positive thoughts toward Hannibal’s renewal next season, so read my review and catch up!

One of the most refreshing aspects of the show is that it is not an origins story. The Hannibal we meet in the first episode is mature, refined, and already committed to racking up that body count/snacks. Like the movies however, the star isn’t the gentlemanly killer, but an FBI special agent and hunter of serial killers, Will Graham, played by an excellent Hugh Dancy. Graham, whose uncannily creepy ability to empathize with mad butchers and crazy slashers, always seems just on the edge of plunging a knife in some unfortunate victim himself. Graham teams up with Hannibal in the profiling of the FBI’s most heinous murderers, and eventually becomes the patient of a knowingly sympathetic Dr. Lector.

Actually, Graham is definitely more creepy than this series’ adaptation of Hannibal’s character. Don’t get me wrong, Mads Mikkelsen(some killer name, huh?) gives the audience a pleasurable Dr. Lector to watch, but it’s certainly lacking in the crazy-eyed insanity of Anthony Hopkins. This Hannibal is controlled, subtle, and quiet, perhaps because unlike the character as Starling’s stalker, he hasn’t been twisted further by years in a tiny cell. I can’t picture Mikkelsen’s Lector savagely biting in to a live victim, but who knows how unhinged he’ll become as Graham’s character get’s closer  and closer revealing to his secret hobbies…or joining in. I will say that the character also lacks some of Hopkins’ Lector’s genius ability to turn a phrase, but I think this is more a fault at the feet of the writers than at Mikkelsen’s.

Not that I mind a played down Lector, which gives Dancy time to shine. Honestly, whenever he’s on screen I’m afraid he’s going to lose his shit any second. In episode 2, we already see him admit to enjoying shooting a murderer who sliced in to his own daughter’s throat with a butcher knife. Each scene so far has maintained this sort of tension that makes for a thrillingly disturbing hour of TV.

Oh, right. The Gore Factor. Not that I agree with pulling a late-night prime time show that must have all sort of adult content warnings about the graphic imagery, but this show is not shy with the on-screen butchery. It never approaches gore-porn movies like those in the Saw franchise, but it definitely was shocking to see Hannibal slice an’ dice a very real looking set of human lungs in the first episode. Still, you get what tune in for in this show, and so far each serial killer (there isn’t necessarily one per episode–this isn’t Law and Order) has been grosser and more interesting than the last. My favorite so far has been the mushroom garden lovingly cultivated out of half-buried corpses. I can’t tell you how disturbing it is to see a scenic looking fairyland on which you’d normally wish you could frolic that grows out of 4 slowly decaying bodies.

Rounding out the cast is Lawrence Fishburne, as  Jack Crawford, head of Behavioral Sciences at the FBI. I had no idea he was even in this show, but expected his role to be completely out shown by two resident psychopaths. Not so. I’ve really enjoyed all his scenes and manages to add some needed sanity to a show full of nuts. The rest of the cast is not memorable or given much screen time, so it makes little difference.

Along with Sundance’s Rectify,  Hannibal is the favorite new series of a chick who never bothers to watch new series, especially on network  television. Since it takes place before the better of the movies, you don’t need to be well-versed with past adaptations to enjoy this show. It the seventh episode airs Thursdays at 10 on NBC, and the first few episodes can be seen here. Watch with me, guys, and let’s keep this sick show around!

Kaitlyn D

@deadrabbit92

Staff-writer

You can find out more about the game here: https://warframe.com/

A dapper Armani-wearing functional sociopath haunting the streets of London, perhaps, in the style of Benedict Cumberbatch of BBC’s “Sherlock.” How about a slightly unhinged and punky intellectual slacker British transplant living in New York City ala Jonny Lee Miller of CBS’s “Elementary.”  A little of both?

Either one would be a welcome sight on Mother’s Day, and a clever way to class-up supermarket flower bouquets through some homemade “Sherlock” arrangements.

Both Sherlock series have their own distinct looks, complete with images, items and quirks that fans will pick up on fast. The trick is to find the images and props you want for the exceptionally lucky recipient of the British version (I will hereon refer to as the “BBC” version) or the CBS version (I’ll call the US version from now on because it sounds cooler than CBS).

There isn’t too much preparation to this, but if you use your creativity, a few “inside jokes” and mutual affection for both your mom and Sherlock, you can put together a nice little gift.

What You Need
Small bouquet of cut flowers
Glass jar (a long peanut or instant tea jar works great)
White school glue or decoupage mix
Pipe cleaners or floral wire
Scrapbook paper, magazine clips, computer prints out or other images
Assorted small charms or other trinkets
Blue (or red) felt
Miniature photo frame

Cover the vase

Step One:  Cover the jar with the images you want to represent your sleuth, and lightly coat them with a decoupage paste or a simple 1:1 mix of white school glue and water.
My favorite image for the BBC version it the iconic black and white Victorian flowered pattern with the yellow graffiti smiley face and bullet holes. I found several computer wallpapers of the pattern off BBC fan sites, plus similar wallpaper patterns are available on scrapbook pages. Once you glue on the wallpaper, take a small craft brush and yellow acrylic paint to graffiti on the face. If you want bullet holes, use a straight in to gently scrape a few on.
The US wallpaper may take a little longer to do, but is still pretty simple. Since this version of Sherlock’s home bears no distinct wallpaper pattern, this Sherlock loves (and uses) his multimedia.  Find catalogs, circulars and computer images of various sizes and shaped television screens with different images and simply collage them on the jar. Once you decoupage these on, that’s pretty much it for that version.

Make a scarf

Step Two: Make a nice Sherlock scarf for the rim, since this is only thing both “Sherlocks” seem to agree on in their regular outerwear.  Cut a slim piece of felt (about 1” in thickness) long enough to fit around the rim of the vase with room to hang.  You might need to tack together two or three strips to get it long enough.  The BBC Sherlock gets a plain Navy or dark blue scarf, and the NY version a nice red, plaid number. Use craft paint or a Sharpie to get the plaid design. Tie it around the top of the jar, and make a simple knot or loop as you would for a scarf.  Clip the ends to the length you want and gently cut slits the ends so it resembles a knit scarf.

Add embellishments

Step Three: Fill the jar about two-thirds with water and place your bouquet in (for those of you who have forgotten to put flowers in a vase). I think roses are in order here, don’t you? I’ll let you determine the color (s), but I went with a classic deep red-heavy scheme for the BBC vase and some brighter yellow for the apiculture-loving NY vase.

Now embellish with a few “trinkets” you feel represent the shows. Charms, small toys, buttons, novelty badges or scrapbook stickers are just a few of the small items that will work here. I chose teacups and crown icons to represent a couple of my favorite BBC episodes and little bees and key locks that seem to occupy a reference in most of the US episodes. Attach these items on to each end of a pipe cleaner (yes, I still use that un-PC reference) or easy-to-manipulate floral wire and bend it in a V-shape in the center. Once you have made about four of five of these, gently place them down inside the bouquet so as little of the wire shows as possible.

Don’t forget the “card”

Step Four: Now that the actual bouquet is complete, create a little “card” to place at the base by penning a simple note in a cheap miniature “dollar store” frame. I used a more ornate frame with a violin scrapbook sticker for the BBC vase and a starker modern frame with some tattoo designs for the US vase.

Don’t be afraid to get funky and clever. No reference is “too obscure” as long as your or mom — or intended recipient — is in on the same joke.

Now, place this on mom’s nightstand before she gets up, with a hot cup of tea and (if she doesn’t already have these), a Sherlock Holmes DVD or book. If your mom is a big a fan of these shows as I am (and by Jove who wouldn’t be?) you’ll be exempt from chores for a month.

Happy Mother’s Day, from your ihogeek mom.
Lisa Kay Tate

Rainn Wilson, (the man who has been bringing Dwight to life for the last eight years on NBC’s The Office) on the other hand, is another story all together. Wilson, along with several collaborators, brought Soulpancake.com in to being several years ago and it has been something of a pet project ever since. I stumbled upon soulpancake at the perfect moment–just as it seemed my life was falling apart–and while it may have fallen out of my daily routine since then, I still think about it often and visit it every now and then.

You may at this point have clicked on the link to visit soulpancake, and then wondered “what the hell does this have to do with being geeky?”

Good.

The answer to that question is going to be different for everyone, and for some of you, it may be as simple as “soulpancake has absolutely nothing to do with my geeky life.” That’s fine. For others, the answer may be more complex and long-winded. You might find that Soulpancake connects to you in a profound way. You may find it pretentious and annoying.

This is all fine. Personally, I find soulpancake to be an awesome place to go for a dose of modern spirituality, sort of like a non-denominational internet church where the doors are never locked and someone is always on the other side of the confessional wall or whatever. It’s nice because it’s so community oriented–visiting the site feels somewhat like going to group therapy but without the annoying scheduled time to meet and also without actually having to get out of bed.

The site has three basic sections: Videos, Conversations and Activities. They also happen to be pretty self-explanatory. In videos, the SP team makes motivational or inspirational videos and shares them with the community. The Conversations tab is almost entirely community driven discussion about spirituality, morality, mortality, creativity, and many other big-picture ideas. Activities are more like challenges posed by the SP moderators and answered by the community. The activities are always my favorite part to peruse and see how others have met the challenges posed to them, things like “take a photo of yourself jamming out in your ultimate moment of bliss” or “Quick Write your personal credo and purpose”

I feel like I’m not doing the site any justice, because it’s so much more than just a spiritual hub on the web. First of all, it doesn’t insist upon itself–it is light-hearted from the word “go” (I mean, come on. The site’s name is soul PANCAKE.) It’s intriguing to me because it’s so complex, and hard to explain. It’s interesting too because it’s so modern. In fact, one of the Activities captures this complexity for me. The Activitity is to “list the rules of your faith that you don’t always follow” which I think hits upon the most integral element of Soulpancake, but also about a major part of human life that we often forget: free will, or choice. We can choose to visit Soul Pancake every day. We can choose never to visit it ever in our lives. We can choose to be passive observers or active participants.

We can also choose to be geeks, or choose not to be. We can choose to write geeky articles once a week, or to comment on said articles, or to ignore other geeks all together. We can choose to turn off our computers, or make them a more important part of our lives.

And now my head hurts and my eyes are begging me to choose to sleep, instead of continuing to ponder Lifes Big Pancakes.

Jen Schiller
Staff Writer
twitter.com/Jenisaur

To a young girl in the 1970s, effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen (who passed away Tuesday at age 92) was top-notch amazing stuff. Dragons, skeleton warriors, giant stone Shivas, crazy snake-ladies strangling themselves with their tails — effects that had me staging elaborate play battles during the day and waking me with the occasional night terror in the early morning hours. In other words, they left a lasting impression not just on me, but on filmmakers and filmgoers for decades to come.

Not too much later, however, came the era of special effect “one ups.” Lucas, Spielberg, Jackson, Del Toro, the gang at Pixar (who gave Harryhausen a well-deserved shout out in Monsters, Inc.) and beyond were raising the bar for CGI and other visual effects that left a whole generation of those who found stop-motion effect the cutting edge in a bewildered fog. Thanks be to Tim Burton and Henry Selick for keeping this genre alive.

Harryhausen

But there was something in Harryhausen’s work that is lacking in much of the smooth, crisp images of today’s less-cheesy fantasy films — the heart of a child. When I see Harryhausen’s “outdated-by-industry-standards” effects, I see a man with a happy grin on his face, gleefully manipulating these mystical creatures to bring them to life. I see someone who loved his work, and the results it produced. I see contentment, and I see self-satisfaction.  And I see the work of a man who would have left us too soon had he lived to be 150.

To which I say, Goodbye and Godspeed, Mr. Harryhausen, may your battling skeletons’ bones forever rattle on.

 — Lisa Kay Tate

You are so awesome.

I mean, you are awesome to a point I cannot entirely express.  Not just for the fact that you are one of the funniest people in show business right now, that you were a long-time cast member on SNL where you got to follow in the footsteps of the amazing Jane Curtain as one half of the Weekend Update team, and you are the star of one of the most lauded TV shows currently running.  I mean, that would kinda be enough right there, but you go beyond that.

You don’t take crap.  In an interview from 2004, Tina Fey shared this story: Amy Poehler and I were in the airport last week in Toronto and we were getting hassled by this middle-aged businessman who was doing that thing that middle-aged businessmen do, being rude. And then Amy, in the middle of the airport, screamed, ‘Fuck you, you fuckin’ dick, you fuckin’ rich asshole.’”  It’s one of numerous examples of you refusing to put up with bullshit.

You don’t shy away from the word “feminist,” in fact you fully embrace it and encourage other women to do so as well.  Your series Smart Girls at the Party highlights and celebrates this fact, and is done so without being patronizing.

You don’t seem to buy into bullshit about “having it all” or “not having it all.”

You see the very, very real power in never losing the fiery little girl inside yourself who hasn’t been smacked down by societal rules about being ladylike and a good girl.

You got on stage with the motherfucking Foo Fighters and sang Joan Jett’s hit “Bad Reputation.”

This isn’t just mindless praise, Amy.  Well, okay, it is praise, but it is not mindless.  This the precursor to a desperate plea.

Let me train with you, Amy Poehler.  Let me learn your ways.

Let me travel to your hidden mountain sanctuary and become your student.  I am humble, I know I have much to learn and I am willing.  Teach me how to be funny without being self-depreciating.  Guide me so that I may hold my head high and be all right with being seen as bossy, a bitch, imperfect.  Impart upon me your wisdom that I may use it to bring justice to this world.

Let me be your apprentice, your squire, your intern, your whatever is the least creepy of these options.  Train me day in and day out until I am at risk of the student becoming the master and you have to put me down because I’ve taken your teachings to a place of darkness and evil.

Or, you know.  Don’t.  That’s cool, too.

Ashly is generally joking about stuff, but she’s not entirely kidding about this.  If Amy Poehler wants to reach her she can try via Twitter, @newageamazon.

This past weekend included the fourth of May, which is generally considered to be Star Wars day to the geek kingdom. To those not hip to ‘Wars, you may be wondering why there’s a connection between an arbitrary date and an epic saga loved my many.  To those people, “May the fourth be with you.”

You pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down?  Excellent.

May 4th was also a big day in Louisville, Kentucky with the 139th running of the Kentucky Derby.  I lived in Louisville for a few years when I was a kid, and derby time was always fun – not only on race day and every having fun at parties but the weeklong festival that led up to it.  One of my favorite parts of the derby (and all the other races that are run at Churchill Downs) is the nutty and sometimes outright ridiculous names of the horses.  A horse named Orb won the whole thing this year, but was followed by Golden Soul and Palace Malice.  Other horses had some great names too, like Normandy Invasion, Overanalyze and Will Take Charge.

So given that these two days coincide, I decided to come up with names for horses throughout the day that could potentially run in a Star Wars themed Kentucky Derby.  You know, just for fun.  Eventually some other people started playing along, giving us a huge stable of named horses.  Since there were 20 horses in the race this year, I picked my favorite 20 for the Star Wars Derby (in no particular order, and you can see the whole list on twitter using the hashtag #starwarsderby).  They’ll be loading into the gate as follows:

• Hell Hoth No Fury
• 12 Parsecs to Kessel
• Alderaan Places
• Ackbar’s Warning
• Gone Baby Qui-Gon
• Dr. Kyle and Mr. Katarn
• Biggs’ Mustache Comb
• Lando Milk and Honey
• AT-AT The Wire
• Buns of Steel
• This Is Not The Horse You’re Looking For
• The Phantom Mare
• Adventure and Excitement
• Lando’s Triple Cross
• Don’t Tell Me The Odds
• Disturbing Lack of Faith
• Wedge Can’t Hang
• I Know
• Oo Tee Dee
• May the Horse Be With You
• He’s My Brother
• Star Orb A New Hope
• Lando’s Colt 45

TIME TRAVEL IS THE BEST WAY TO GET YOUR KIDS AND YOURSELF EXCITED ABOUT HISTORY.

I probably need to clarify this a bit so I don’t sound too insane. I don’t literally mean time travel — although I wish I did — I mean using the concept as a tool to learning in which everyone in the geek culture can get behind.

Here, based on my extensive research (of my own family), are some of the benefits of time travel as opposed to standard classroom learning:

• It’s hands-on! I’m a booklover, but if I had the option of reading about a historic era or actually going there, the answer would be a no-brainer. The American Civil War is, frankly, a boooooring read (to me, at least), but watching re-enactors (who are essentially historic cosplayers) give me a living history demonstration in a historic fort all of a sudden brings the past to life. We can see, hear, and even smell how they lived, what they wore and ate, how they entertained themselves and why both sides of the war believed what they believed. We aren’t just “learning” about it. We are experiencing it.
• It’s approachable. Ask your 13-year-old to tell you everything they know about the American Revolution…then watch the splendor as the light in their eyes turns temporarily off while they try to find an interesting talking point. Now, ask him what “hidden secrets” he learned about18^th century Boston, the Mohawk Indians, and the aforementioned American Revolution by traveling back in time with Desmond Miles in “Assassin’s Creed III.” The answers — and questions about what is “actual history” will come much easier.
• It’s conversation evoking. No need to really explain this one. Just ask your kids (or anyone) where and when they could go if they had the opportunity, and dinner or car-travel conversation will be dominated for at least an hour.
• It’s extremely, incredibly fun. How could pretending to be a Time Lord or post-modern dinosaur hunter not be a blast? Through the beauty of “armchair” time travel, there is no place, time or era you can’t visit as a family. Paint a cardboard box blue and create a Tardis with your kids or go even easier and write “Time Machine” on a box ala Calvin and Hobbes. Get in and go places. It’s that easy…and addictive.

How about geek-friendly study aids? There are countless  “time-travel” related movies, television shows, books and comics that might help get a discussion rolling and “accidently” turn into a leaning opportunity.

There are so many books and comics that deal with time travel, I’m hesitant to try to list just a couple. I recommend perusing your long boxes and book shelves, as you are certain to run across everything from Madeleine L’Engle’s young readers science fiction classic “A Wrinkle In Time,” Mark Twain’s “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court,” and H.G. Well’s disturbingly-better-than-any-movie-adaptation story the “Time Machine” to any number of DC “Elseworlds” titles and other “Oh no, I’ve fallen through a rift in time/space continuum” stories (most of which I admittedly enjoy).

Here are a few more worth a look:

 Magic Tree House series by Mary Pope Osborne. For beginning chapter book readers, this is a straight-forward time travel series in which a pair of normal kids, Jack and Annie, end up getting sent on adventure after adventure to different times and places of historic significance, as well as some completely fictional locales. The best thing about these from a learning standpoint is many of these books have nonfiction companions (for example there’s a book on actual facts about the Titanic as a go-with for the fictional “Tonight on the Titanic” story). Also, readers who get into this series can get a printable “passport” on Osborne’s Magic Tree House site, and after reading each book they answer simple online questions to be awarded a “stamp.” This was my daughter’s favorite part of these books and couldn’t wait to collect her “stamp” rewards.

“Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban’ by JK Rowling. Of all the books in the Harry Potter series, this is the only one that really deals with a time-travel element, as Hermione’s time turner, originally used so she could take two or more overlapping classes, becomes the object that helps improve the fate of Buckbeak the hippogriff, Sirius Black and Hogwarts in general. Even “short hop” time travel can bring up the question “If you could fix a past mistake, what would it be and how would you do it? A hilarious take on this same concept is through the movie “Galaxy Quest” and its Omega 13 device that can shoot time back 13 seconds.
Product placement: You can pick up a cheap time turner kit by Running Press at pretty much any book store for around five to seven dollars. This makes a cool learning prop. If you can’t find one, use an egg timer or make your own “time travel” device.

Eric Flint’s “1632 series.” Flint is up to his 12^th book in the popular alternate history series, in which an entire town in West Virginia gets transported back in time to Central Germany during the onset of the Thirty Years’ War. From a readers’ standpoint, this is an exciting departure from the standard “fish out of water “ scenario of one (or a few) individuals getting whipped out of their linear time comfort zone. When a whole town has to band together to keep from getting overrun during a historic conflict, it can get pretty crazy. Chronologically, the books begin, appropriately with “1632,” but Flint himself doesn’t even feel they need to be read in order.
“Whenever someone asks me ‘what’s the right order?’” for reading the 1632 series, I’m always tempted to respond: ‘I have no idea. What’s the right order for studying the Thirty Years War?’’” he says on his webpage.

And, here’s two comic book picks:

Astro City ½ special: “The Nearness of You” written by Kurt Busiek, art by Brent Anderson. One of the only comic book stories that had me sobbing like a baby at the end, as it deals with a man plagued by dreams of a woman he has never met, but can’t get out of his head. With the intervention of Astro City hero Hangman, he learns this was to be his wife, but a super-hero style battle that involved a link to the past resulted in the death of this woman’s ancestor…and hence the prevention of her very existence. I won’t tell you the ending if you haven’t read it but it brings up the classic talking point of how history would be altered if just one thing were messed with in the past (aka the “butterfly effect”).  Example: “What if your parents were prevented from ever meeting? Hello, McFly.”
Ray Bradbury fans could also reference his fantastic 1952 short story “A Sound of Thunder” in which a “time travel” excursion to hunt dinosaurs goes horribly wrong…just because someone stepped on a butterfly.

“Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne” by Grant Morrison, with various artists. This six-issue series (now available as one graphic novel), is the ending story arc to the “Batman: RIP” story in which Bruce Wayne has to travel from era to era to get back to present day Gotham City. The “pirate” adventure was my personal favorite. The artwork varies in quality and style, but the story is continuously intense. This brings up a question of how certain historical figures — or even people in our own lives — might be different if they existed in different eras. I posted an artists’ “Old West” depiction of DC characters online once that included Batman with a pair of side arms. This sparked a “Batman would NEVER use guns” vs. “a Wild West era Bruce Wayne might” debate. This is just one of the many topics this type of series could tap into.

As for movies and television, I’m not going to attempt to re-explain these famous flicks and shows, but I will offer some “family movie night” discussion points.

For Doctor Who (BBC Series): Since London seems to always be a “home base” for the Time Lords, what are some of the major changes this historic city has seen over the years?  “Big Bang Theory” character Amy Farah Fowler brought up a similar query once to which she met with much chastising.

For the “Back To The Future” Trilogy: What do you think would happen if different versions of yourself accidentally met, and how would this change your view of yourself? Also, the Flux Capacitor may be a famous part of movie history, but what do you think would be needed to make a car…or any machine…travel through time? Is it even possible?

For “Planet of the Apes” (any version): Do you think humans will ever fall from the top of the food chain? What are your views on this weird take on evolutionary progress? What do you think would trigger this type of change? Heavy questions, but they might provoke some very intelligent answers.

For Terra Nova/Primeval: The idea of a “rip in time” that leads to past and future dimensions is pure science fiction, but would it ever be a good idea for dinosaurs and other pre-historic beasts to occupy the same planet with modern man? If “Jurassic Park” and “Land of the Lost” are any indication, my assumption would be “no, probably not,” but your kids my have a different — and likely better ­— response.

For “The Terminator” and “Looper” (for older teens, of course): If your future self were to come back to today, what advice would do you think he or she would give you? Do you look good, or did you let yourself go. Even if your kids aren’t old enough to see these R-rated films, you could still bring up these questions.

I also offer a quick note to the gaming crowd. I’ve long felt that one of the best ways to teach your kids of all ages about responsible gaming is to:
1)     Limit it to a certain days/hours (I know, I’m evil), and
2)     Play the games with them. Hand me that controller.

I especially stand behind the second reason because I not only have an excuse to play video games, but the digital interaction during game play prompts actually socializing with your kids…and also acts as a great bridge to sneaking in some learning tools (see my earlier reference to “Assassin’s Creed”).

For kids age 10 and older, I recommend giving “Final Fantasy XIII-2” (the Japanese-made sequel to Final Fantasy XIII, of course) a try since it deals with the classic “going back in time to fix the past” scenarios. Players are given the opportunity to visit the same location at different eras in time, making this a great place for parents to hop into discussing how places change over time. Ask them what they think their hometown looked like 30, 300, 3,000 or event 3,000,000 years ago and what changes are happening today that might effect it in the future.

For late high school and older players, “Bioshock: Infinite” is one of the most visually inviting games available today. Not dealing overwhelmingly with time travel (except for those nasty tears in time and space), it is an interesting “alternate history” looks at the turn-of-the-century America with stylized steampunk references to many of the ideologies (the emergence of American exceptionalism), entities (the Pinkerton Agency) and events (1893 World’s Fair, aka Chicago World’s Fair) of the time. There is extreme violence and some pretty horrific images, though, so younger players should steer completely clear of playing this. However, I do suggest finding some of the less brutal art surrounding this game online or in magazines and talk about the architecture, fashions, advertising and technology of this era…especially how to separate what is based on historic fact, what may be heavily inspired by it, and what is solely the product of a creative mind. Really, this is for older teens getting ready to go off to college where they will knock personal philosophies and beliefs back and forth like tennis balls, the reference to politics, religious practices and personal freedoms.  College can be a great place to both find and lose oneself, so use this game as a chance to bring up some of those touchy-feely value-driven topics.

I hope these stepping-off points in embarking on a trip through time helping kids to discover these fictional approaches to history reveal a past made up of “real” people involved in “real” events in “real” places. Who knows, you may even learn a few new things yourself.

 Lisa Kay Tate
Staff Writer and resident geek mom

Tipsy.

Imperial.

Concubine.

I am not joking.

It looks like this. From gardenweb.

And that is only a vintage example from the 1800s.

Since then we’ve have had horticulturists and breeders introduce into the world plant cultivar with names like ‘Hamburger Phoenix’ ,  ‘Cheddar Supreme’, and’ Crotchless Panties’. Serious!

Daylily ‘Crotchless Panties’ from allthingsplants.

In fact, there are particular flower breeders that are the most troll-tastic; daylilies, rose, iris and hosta breeders really could care less. They give absolutely no fucks. Zero. None. Nothing at the bottom of the barrel. You could dig for ages, you just won’t find one. Nope. Nothing there. Deer-munched, gone. Farewell. Goodbye.

This is not highbrow stuff. Case in point, to show just a sliver of the extent that gardeners and breeders are trolls, behold a list of fabulous plants you could grow in your garden:

‘Brazen Hussy’, ‘Salamander Crossing’,  ’ How Audacious’, ‘Aggressively Forward’,  ’ Pink Octopus’, ‘Sassy Kooma’ ,  ‘Judy Judy Judy’            ‘Nymph’s Thigh, ‘Roaring Jelly’, ‘Galadriel’, ‘Hebe’s Lip, ‘Spineless Virgin’, ‘That’s My Baby’,  ‘Banish Misfortune’, ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’,     ‘Comic Strip’ , ‘Shall We Dance’, ‘Fuldaglut’, ‘Attack Lizard, ‘Miss Manners’, ‘Religious Radish’, ‘Komodo Dragon’, ‘Inky Fingers’,            ‘Teeny-Weeny Bikini’, ‘Black Negligee’, ‘Fishnet Stockings’ (a particular favorite),  ‘Fancy Knickers’, ‘Shebang’, ‘Pistachio Nightmare’,  ‘Pardon Me’, ‘Hot Legs’, ‘Crepe Suzette’, ‘Alley Cat’, ‘Tiny Monster’, ‘Strip Tease’, ‘Flaming Potluck’, ‘Amethyst Squid’, ‘Ugly As Sin’, ‘Zounds’              ‘Knickknack’,  ‘Shebang’, ‘I’ll Be Damned’, ‘Vertigo’, ‘Swing Shift’, ‘Tora Tora’, ‘Cheesecake’, ’ Ally Oops’, ‘Wench’, ’ Hooked Again’,         ‘Hot Sketch’, ‘Humors of Whiskey’, ’ Tall Dark and Handsome’,   ’ Guacamole’,  ’ Alligator Shoes’, ’Banana Muffins’, ’ Big Daddy’, ’ Hanky Panky’, ‘Sexy Rexy’,  ’ XXX’, ‘Pineapple Upsidedown Cake’, ‘Rich Uncle’, ’ Banned In Boston’, ’ Lies and Lipstick’, ’Royal Adolescent’,  ’ Saucer Full of Secrets’, ’ Sleeping At The Wheel’,  ’ Skinny Dipping’ , ’ Spacecoast Dragon Prince’,’ String Bikini’, ’ Too Darn Hot’, ’ A Little Fire Scarecrow’,’ A Little Crabby’, ’ A Moose Fishing On A Pond On Monday’, ’ You Know Who’,  ‘Oh My Stars and Garters’, ’ Little Wart’, ’’Outhouse Delight’, ’ Baboon Bottom’, ’ Sassy Redhead’, ’ Swamp Thing’, ’ Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini’, ‘Evil Ways’,  ’ Improved Peach Blow’, ‘Zipper Gate’.

Then there is the ultimate, oh yes, ultimate nerdy example:

‘Bat Signal’

‘Bat Signal’
BAT SIGNAL
THE BAT SIGNAL

And what does the bat signal mean?!

Iris ‘BATMAN’
NANANANANANAANA

And where there’s Batman there’s a

Daylily ‘Holy Mackerel’

So there you have it. Hortricultists are trolls. And flowers are awesome.

Until next time folks!

Max Eber
Staff Writer/The Doctor
max@ihogeek.com
Twitter: @maxlikescomics