I’m sorry, DC Comics. It’s not you, it’s me.
Okay, that’s a fucking lie. It is you, it is totally you, it has been you for years and years and we keep trying to make this work and it just doesn’t. We’ve tried a trial separation and I came running back when you offered me flowers and chocolate and Gail Simone. We tried an open relationship and, well, I hate to break it to you, but even considering all their faults, Marvel is just BETTER than you.
And now I think we just need to break up. For good.
Let’s not concentrate on how it’s ending, with your editorial team deciding at the last second that Batwoman couldn’t show Kate Kane and Maggie Sawyer getting married, causing the creators to walk off of the title. No, hush, that’s just the straw that’s breaking Batman’s back. It’s a well documented list of failures in recent years, showing that you don’t value you me as a reader and, more importantly, you don’t respect me as a partner.
DC, we’ve had some good times. Remember Final Crisis and how much that meant to us? Remember MINX and how you really tried except you really DIDN’T try and it all ended in fire and flames and I STILL want the last two Janes books by Cecil Castellucci and Jim Rugg? And while you deny it, constantly, our time together with Stephanie Brown was fun. I enjoyed it.
But it’s over, DC. It’s over and it’s best we just say goodbye. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name “DC.” And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages.
PS: Come get your fucking stuff out of my house, I am sick of looking at it.
Ashly is a single female looking for a new comic in her life. She’s a Scorpio who enjoys red wine, horror novels and fully-realized characterization. You can find out more about her on Twitter at @newageamazon